When Sexual Preferences Become Deal Breakers
Sex With Emily
Oral Sex as Routine, Not Treat
Emily responds to Lucy, calling oral sex a common foreplay necessity and probing the partner’s scarcity mindset.
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Episode Description
In this Sex with Emily episode, Dr. Emily and producer Erica tackle your trickiest relationship and sex questions—and some of these situations are messier than you think.
The wife having sex 5+ times a week who's being pressured to set midnight alarms so her husband can wake her up for more—why this isn't about frequency at all, and the real need he's actually trying to fill.
That guy who insists oral sex should only happen "on special occasions" because it gets "taken for granted": what this scarcity mindset reveals about his past relationships, his skill anxiety, or his actual preference—and whether this is a dealbreaker you're discovering early.
The biological reason men wake up ready for sex in the middle of the night while their partners are deep asleep—and why disrupting your sleep hygiene to feel "desired" is a Band-Aid on a much deeper issue.
When your partner believes doing something too often creates expectations they can't meet: the philosophy problem that shows up in bed and everywhere else, and what "taken for granted" really means about their view on compliments, effort, and intimacy.
Why oral sex as foreplay is the norm, not the exception—and how to navigate a partner who sees it as the main event that loses its magic with repetition.
Plus: the conversation framework for exploring where your partner's sexual beliefs actually come from, and why the first few months of dating are just data collection on whether you're actually compatible.
Timestamps:
0:00 - Introduction
1:01 - Question 1: Rejecting Partner's Advances in the Middle of the Night
6:42 - Understanding Nocturnal Erections and Gender Differences in Arousal
10:10 - Question 2: Feeling Done with a Sexless Marriage After 7 Years
16:20 - Question 3: Getting Upset When Partner Doesn't Want Sex (Mismatched Libidos)
21:28 - Question 4: Dealing with Low Libido and Performance Anxiety at 42
25:10 - Question 5: Wanting Oral Sex Every Time, Not Just Special Occasions
32:52 - Closing Thoughts and How to Connect with Dr. Emily
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