It's, it's backward in the story that he's telling himself about his life. Yeah.

I

think that's, um, what story are you telling yourself about your life?

Uh, I have, I guess that I've done some stuff or I have experience or I've, I've had like different jobs or that I'm like, uh, like I just don't want to go back and just start over again. You know what I mean? Like, um, like this, what I'm doing right now doesn't work out, like isn't working out so now I have to go start over doing something else and start at the bottom and again, I'm just like, fuck like that sucks. Um, and I, and I've wanted, wanted to avoid that, but I don't think it's possible now. So I'm just going to have to get any job and just start from there.

Um, where are you not at the bottom, Joe?

Um, like I'd like, like with the stuff I've done, the jobs I've had, like I didn't think I was at the bottom there or, um, or with a job I could get, like I don't, I don't know if I need to start, like maybe I do need to start at the bottom, but at least in the, in when we were first doing this, I didn't think I needed to do that. And that's kind of why I would like blow off different jobs or not. Um, go on interviews because I'm like, I got to shoot for something better or, um, I don't know. Maybe I deserve something better.

Um, did you go after jobs that were better

or not? Uh, not, not really.

So you went after jobs that weren't good enough for you, not jobs that you felt were good enough for you and then blew off the ones you went after.

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think, I think the jobs that like were pretty good, I was just like, I, I wouldn't, I'd probably, same thing with probably, same shit would probably happen or I'd get there and then just have to just just get fired for some reason. I don't know. I got either incompetence or a suck or I wouldn't get along with people or I don't know, whatever.

It's basically the, the, what you were just read, your own experiences with yourself.

Uh, yeah.

And the only time, but the only time you feel good about yourself, you said is when you're doing things, right, but your narrative in your head is that you can't do things or you'll fail at them.

Uh, on a, on a certain level. Yeah. Um, yeah, but I know there's jobs I could do. Things that I wouldn't, uh, like fail out at the jobs that I would be able to do. Are you going after those? Yeah.

You are.

Mm hmm. Yeah.

There were a couple of interviews I had, um, this week, couple of people I called this week. Um, and then, uh, like even with those jobs, though, it's like, like I haven't done anything. Like, like if somebody looks at my resume, they're like, why would you want to do this? You haven't done this in

like five years or something.