Hyper-independence and asking for help

What if "nothing happened" in your childhood, yet you still feel numb, flooded, or stuck in people pleasing or hyper-independence? This episode explores childhood emotional neglect, an often overlooked Adverse Childhood Experience that can wire the nervous system away from felt safety, expression, and connection. We look at how a lack of attunement can shape brain function, stress responses, and adult relationships, and why naming the pattern opens a path to repair.

In this conversation, co-hosts Elisabeth Kristof and Jennifer Wallace map out how emotional neglect shows up across attachment patterns, boundaries, and health outputs. They share trauma-informed context, lived reflections, and practical neurosomatic tools to rebuild capacity for feeling, processing, and connection without blame.

You will learn how repression becomes protection, why hyper-independence can feel "safer" than asking for help, and where to begin with gentle, minimum-effective-dose practices to increase interoceptive awareness and co-regulation in daily life.

This episode is for anyone who grew up in a "pretty good" home yet struggles with shutdown or overwhelm, for cycle-breaking parents, and for practitioners supporting clients with complex stress patterns. You will leave with language for your experience and first steps to begin rewiring.

Timestamps:

• 00:00 Why emotional neglect is an overlooked ACE

• 05:00 Defining emotional neglect and attunement needs in development

• 11:00 Repression as protection and links to adult health outputs

• 18:00 Attachment patterns, people pleasing, and hyper-independence

• 25:00 Practicing self-compassion while breaking cycles

• 32:00 Parenting notes: modeling emotions and co-regulation

• 39:00 Neurosomatic tools and first steps for repair

Key Takeaways:

• Emotional neglect can be subtle yet impactful, shaping nervous system patterns, attachment, and long-term health without assigning blame.

• Repression often begins when big emotions are not met with co-regulation; later, it can appear as numbness, pain, inflammation, or compulsive coping.

• Hyper-independence can be a protective strategy that avoids the vulnerability of asking for support.

• Gentle, consistent practices that build interoceptive awareness and capacity help contribute to feeling safe again.

• Modeling emotional expression and staying present are powerful ways caregivers support nervous system development.

Resources Mentioned:

• Attachment Theory research (John Bowlby and colleagues)

• Neurosomatic Intelligence Coaching Certification (NSI)

• Sacred Synapse on YouTube (psychedelics, neuroscience, NSI education) https://www.youtube.comhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0_Bz9OvfHN0nvQos4kfi9Q

• Explore working with Jennifer www.illuminatedwithjennifer.com

• Boundary Rewire Course: boundaryrewire.com – Repattern your nervous system for safer, more authentic boundaries.

If this conversation resonated with you, subscribe to Trauma Rewired wherever you listen to podcasts and leave a review to help more people discover trauma-informed education grounded in neuroscience.

👉 For deeper support this season, explore Boundary Rewire —a 5-module neurosomatic course designed to help you repattern stress responses and create boundaries that feel safe, natural, and grounded in authenticity. It's just $27 through the end of the year. boundaryrewire.com

👉 You can also continue learning tools for nervous system regulation and post-traumatic growth at rewiretrial.com

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