Have you heard of or tried cognitive reframing? It’s a powerful tool that can positively shift your mindset about something permanently to change the direction of your life!

The Power of Mentoring

In this episode I interview my friend Jane who has been a mentor in the school system, helping young kids, 4th grade and up. Jane does this kind of volunteer work because she feels it’s a two-way street. While she’s helping children with homework, conversation, and life skills, she enjoys the growing relationship that can last for several years.

Jane says she can see a difference quickly in the children she mentors. For example, she is currently working with Emily. The girl was shy and isolated, making her world very small. She didn’t have many friends and was also struggling with her studies.

At her second meeting, Emily showed her appreciation by giving Jane a gift! Jane had made a difference in this child’s life already by being her friend and showing interest in her. They connected quickly at the heart level.

When the school year ended, Emily had to stay back, but she also switched schools which made a difference. This year things seemed to be going better, but then she got a text from Emily’s mother. Apparently, she’s flunking math. The mom asked if Jane could please talk to her about this.

Reframing Can Be Motivating

Now Jane had to come up with a strategy. She didn’t want to scold or threaten her because that would just go in one ear and out the other. This is what Jane did and why I am telling you this incredible story. It’s all about reframing.

Cognitive reframing is a method that helps you look at a situation in your life completely differently, to change your experience of it. The first step was to ask Emily to make a list of each class and then comment about how she’s doing in it.

Most of her comments were positive, until she got to math, the problem subject. About math, Emily wrote that she doesn’t like the teacher who is mean and boring. All Emily does is yawn and wish the class was over and she said nobody likes the teacher.

Jane told Emily how her mom had asked her to talk this through because she was failing. She also said if she were the teacher, she might flunk her too. Then Jane changed gears and said, “I can’t tell you the answers for the test, but I can tell you, if you listen to me, how to make sure you don’t flunk this class.”

Have you heard about the 7-Minute Shift?

Play the Game

Jane had Emily’s attention now and continued by saying that what she was about to reveal was an adult concept. Jane said, “See when you grow up, you’re going to have bosses and jobs that you don’t like. In fact, chances are you’re going to have more teachers you don’t like and you have to learn to deal with that.”

Continuing, Jane said, “There’s a code we use and it’s called ‘Playing the Game’.” Emily looked at Jane as she continued. “This is how it works. You’ve got to show that you are interested whether you are or not. You’ve got to raise your hand, ask questions, ask for help, move your seat up front, and make eye contact.”

“It’s a game where you make a little effort. You don’t have to really like it, but that’s what you do.” Emily responded, “I think I can do that.”

Jane was suggesting that Emily pretend she’s interested even if she’s not. And the upside is she might find she likes the class more once she shows interest. But Emily has to start somewhere. Right now, Emily has to make an effort.

Let’s take a step back and think about how the teacher can tell Emily is bored and maybe doesn’t like her. This influences the teacher’s opinion of her. But when she sits up front and gets more engaged, the teacher’s opinion will likely change too.

Lesson of a Lifetime

A week goes by and Jane picks Emily up at the regular time and asks how school is. Emily says, “Good.” Then Jane asked, “And how is it with the math teacher?” Emily responded with excitement, “Today she smiled at me.”

Next Jane asked, “What do you think that’s about?” Emily responded that she moved her seat up front and made eye contact with her. This is how Emily got the lesson of a lifetime. She is starting to see how her behavior is changing the teacher’s behavior with her.

Listen to an episode about mindset shift

A Game Changer

Personally, this is the part of the story that completely grabbed me. This is masterful reframing! Emily had a belief about the teacher and math class. She doesn’t like it. Yet, Jane enticed her to change her outlook!

Turning this into a game, an adult game at that, was intriguing and gave her a different reason to try it. It was like letting her in on a secret only adults are supposed to know! This was a game she was willing to play and potentially win.

Emily took action and then was rewarded with her teacher smiling at her!

The truth is, it’s all the same. For a child or an adult, you have to show interest, make an effort, and try. Reframing whatever is holding you back is the KEY to moving forward.

This idea helped change the dynamic of the situation and put the power in Emily’s hands to get a different outcome. Amazing! And as a result, Emily was excited!

This is a huge lesson, moving Emily from failure to playing a game and winning! The result is a life changer for this child, I have no doubt. A massive potential transformation is hanging in the balance.

Anyone can benefit from this type of masterful reframing!

Think about it. What’s dragging you down? What’s draining your energy? Sometimes you can’t change things, but sometimes you can shift perspective to make a big difference!

Try a shift in attitude to think about what is the silver lining? Ask yourself, “What’s the benefit and where can I win with this situation?” This kind of questioning changes your vibration and the energy, sending out ripples in the right direction. Show the Universe you are willing to try!

There’s so much more to this story, but you’ll have to listen to the podcast to get every last juicy drop.

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482 - Un-Diagnose Yourself with Todd Baratz

Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

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