I could / I will exercise to stop shoulds

Today, Jay sits down with Dr. Shadé Zahrai to explore how self-doubt quietly influences our decisions, and what it takes to rebuild trust in ourselves. Shadé unpacks the psychology behind impostor syndrome, fear of failure, and the inner stories that convince people they’re not ready or not enough. Together, they examine how the brain’s need for certainty drives worst-case thinking, and why that protective instinct often keeps us stuck, even when opportunity is right in front of us.

Shadé offers grounded frameworks, from shifting “should” into “could” to create more possibility, to designing simple action plans that help regain a sense of control when things feel overwhelming. Shadé reflects on purpose, care, and leaving people better than we found them, while Jay highlights that trusting yourself doesn’t mean never experiencing doubt. Together, they explore how self-image is shaped by the feedback we internalize, why criticism tends to linger longer than praise, and how healing emotional “scars” allows us to move forward without self-sabotage.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to Trust Yourself Again

How to Stop Letting Self-Doubt Inform Your Decisions

How to Reframe Impostor Syndrome as Growth

How to Turn Fear Into Forward Action

How to Shift From “Should” to “Could”

How to Take Action When You Feel Stuck

How to Heal the Self-Image Behind the Self-Doubt

Confidence isn’t the absence of fear; it’s the willingness to move forward even when fear is present. Every step you take, no matter how small, strengthens your trust in yourself and reminds you that you are capable of learning, adapting, and becoming more than you were yesterday. 

Pre-order Shadé’s new book, Big Trust, to dive deeper into the framework for rebuilding self-trust and breaking free from self-doubt:

https://www.shadezahrai.com/bigtrust

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. 

Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

01:47 What Drives Self-Doubt?

02:58 The Power of Your Self-Image

06:54 The Four Pillars of Self-Image

08:44 Struggling With Self-Acceptance

15:35 How Lack of Acceptance Fuels Perfectionism

20:50 Shifting From Comparison to Emulation

27:55 Becoming Before You Believe

32:14 Why the Brain Craves Certainty

38:00 Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Not Enough?

44:24 Learning to Detach From Labels

56:04 The Self-Talk That Keeps You Grounded

01:01:11 Believing You’re Capable

01:06:22 Everyone Experiences Self-Doubt!

01:08:56 What Actually Replaces Self-Doubt?

01:15:20 Getting the Job Even When You Feel Underqualified

01:24:13 Understanding Key Differences Between Men and Women

01:26:53 Why Constant Complaining Signals Low Self-Trust

01:37:12 Growth After Trauma

01:43:52 Why We Focus on What We Can’t Control

01:50:42 Learning to Adapt to Your Emotions

01:56:26 Creating Your “I Could, I Will” List

02:00:07 Shadé on Final Five

Episode Resources:

Dr. Shadé Zahrai | Website

Dr. Shadé Zahrai | Instagram

Dr. Shadé Zahrai | YouTube

Dr. Shadé Zahrai | TikTok

Dr. Shadé Zahrai | Linkedin

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.