You know that relentless, negative inner voice—the DJ spinning tracks on “Beat Yourself Up FM?” Yeah, I’ve got one, too. But what if I told you there’s a way to finally change that channel and replace it with compassion? In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Kristin Neff, a true pioneer in self-compassion research, who’s not only studied the science for years but has also used it to navigate her own life’s biggest challenges—including motherhood and her son’s autism diagnosis.
Together, we break down why self-compassion is an absolute superpower, how it’s different from self-esteem, and the real-world (not fluffy!) ways you can start putting compassion into practice—especially when you’re going through hard times. Whether you fear that self-kindness is “selfish,” worry it’ll make you lazy, or struggle to silence your inner critic, this episode is packed with science-backed strategies and powerful re-frames you need to hear.
SHOWNOTES
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Why our inner negative voice is so persistent—and how self-compassion can help us turn the volume down
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02:53 – The difference between self-esteem and self-compassion (and why compassion is more reliable)
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09:43 – Common myths about self-compassion: self-pity, selfishness, complacency, and more
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10:43 – Moving from “woe is me” self-pity to true self-compassion through common humanity
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13:40 – Why comparing your suffering (up or down) can actually backfire and how to find balance
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17:56 – Why self-compassion isn’t selfish and how it actually helps you support others better
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24:19 – The science behind self-soothing touch (and how to actually use it when it feels weird)
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29:24 – Using second-person and terms of endearment when speaking to yourself: practical tips
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39:59 – How fierce self-compassion (aka “Mama Bear” energy) leads to healthy boundaries and motivation
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41:06 – Healing after abuse: what to do when self-compassion feels scary or triggers “backdraft”
FOLLOW KRISTIN NEFF:
Website: https://self-compassion.org
Guided meditations, practices, and research: https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises
Twitter: https://twitter.com/neffselfcompass
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/selfcompassion
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Neffselfcompassion
(For more resources, trainings, and to test your self-compassion, visit her website above.)
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