Stop Beating Yourself Up: The Truth About Self-Compassion No One Taught You | Dr. Kristin Neff (Fan Fav)

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Jun 15, 2025

Join Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading expert in self-compassion and author, as she reveals the transformative power of being kind to ourselves. She distinguishes between self-compassion and self-esteem, explaining why the former is more reliable. Dr. Neff tackles common myths that equate self-compassion with selfishness and explores the importance of embracing our shared humanity. With actionable strategies and insights, she helps listeners silence their inner critics and cultivate compassion during life's toughest moments.

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INSIGHT

Self-Compassion vs. Self-Esteem

Self-esteem depends on social comparison and is fragile, vulnerable during failures.
Self-compassion offers unconditional kindness regardless of success or failure, providing steady self-worth.

INSIGHT

Self-Compassion vs. Self-Pity

Self-pity isolates and elevates oneself above others, leading to loneliness.
True self-compassion connects us through shared human struggle and reduces suffering.

ADVICE

Practice Mindful Self-Kindness

When suffering, acknowledge your pain and recognize it's part of human experience.
Offer yourself kindness like you would a loved one to build inner resilience and help others.

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You know that relentless, negative inner voice—the DJ spinning tracks on “Beat Yourself Up FM?” Yeah, I’ve got one, too. But what if I told you there’s a way to finally change that channel and replace it with compassion? In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Kristin Neff, a true pioneer in self-compassion research, who’s not only studied the science for years but has also used it to navigate her own life’s biggest challenges—including motherhood and her son’s autism diagnosis.

Together, we break down why self-compassion is an absolute superpower, how it’s different from self-esteem, and the real-world (not fluffy!) ways you can start putting compassion into practice—especially when you’re going through hard times. Whether you fear that self-kindness is “selfish,” worry it’ll make you lazy, or struggle to silence your inner critic, this episode is packed with science-backed strategies and powerful re-frames you need to hear.

SHOWNOTES

Why our inner negative voice is so persistent—and how self-compassion can help us turn the volume down
02:53 – The difference between self-esteem and self-compassion (and why compassion is more reliable)
09:43 – Common myths about self-compassion: self-pity, selfishness, complacency, and more
10:43 – Moving from “woe is me” self-pity to true self-compassion through common humanity
13:40 – Why comparing your suffering (up or down) can actually backfire and how to find balance
17:56 – Why self-compassion isn’t selfish and how it actually helps you support others better
24:19 – The science behind self-soothing touch (and how to actually use it when it feels weird)
29:24 – Using second-person and terms of endearment when speaking to yourself: practical tips
39:59 – How fierce self-compassion (aka “Mama Bear” energy) leads to healthy boundaries and motivation
41:06 – Healing after abuse: what to do when self-compassion feels scary or triggers “backdraft”

FOLLOW KRISTIN NEFF:
Website: https://self-compassion.org
Guided meditations, practices, and research: https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises
Twitter: https://twitter.com/neffselfcompass
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/selfcompassion
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Neffselfcompassion

(For more resources, trainings, and to test your self-compassion, visit her website above.)

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