"i don't trust love is separation from god, exactly," she says. "For the first time in my life, i get to live from my truth and my body right now,. Like for the first timelife, i was witnessed and how much i've suffered." 'I can't do it on my own any more,' he writes of his struggle with self-loathing. "'It's not just about being able to pick yourself up off the floor' It's like having to be the one to pick myself up every single day.'"
One of my best podcasts of all time, this emotional conversation that’s been 16 years in the making, is with my wife Vylana Marcus and former fiance / best friend Caitlyn Howe. We sit down with a bottle of whiskey and let it all out. We each take turns sharing our darkest hours and deepest shadows, with a lot of tears and a lot of laughs. We discuss my devastating 6 days in a darkness retreat, my ongoing relationship with self-love, the impetus of my name change from Chris to Aubrey Marcus, and the erotic aspect of harming oneself, to name a few themes. But perhaps most powerfully, Vylana and Caitlyn share their own shocking and emotional challenges in their relationship to the masculine.