There's a distinction between expressing anger in the work of reconciliation and expressing it with the intention to retaliate. You know, when it's going to be trade, the betrayers got to sit there. And really hear it. And that person's going to start to express. And that's how you hurt me. That's what great leaders do. They're able to take it. So it's a big deal. It's a big, big deal.
Henry Cloud: Trust
Henry Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, clinical psychologist and a New York Times bestselling author. His 45 books, including the iconic Boundaries, have sold nearly 20 million copies worldwide. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEOs, leadership teams, and executives to improve performance, leadership skills, and culture.
Henry's work has been featured and reviewed by The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Publisher’s Weekly, Los Angeles Times, and many other publications. Success Magazine named him in the top 25 most influential leaders in personal growth and development, alongside Oprah, Brené Brown, Seth Godin and others. He is a frequent contributor to CNN, Fox News Channel, and other national media outlets. Henry is the author of Trust: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken*.
When someone betrays your trust, what do you do next? In this conversation, Henry and I explore the five factors of trust and the importance of each one of them in our relationships. Then, we look at the starting point for rebuilding trust after a betrayal, beginning with you and your own support network.
Key Points
Five factors are key for trust: understanding, motive, ability, character, and track record.
Repairing trust is not clean or orderly. The first step is about you, not the person who betrayed you.
Leaders who have a support network already in place are better able to take a pause and work through emotion and anger.
An authentic apology from someone should articulate the event itself, demonstrate their empathy for how the event felt to you, and appreciate the consequences of their actions.
Forgiving someone does not mean you trust them.
Resources Mentioned
Trust: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken* by Henry Cloud
Interview Notes
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Related Episodes
The Art of Constructing Apologies, with Sandra Sucher (episode 535)
The Path Towards Trusting Relationships, with Edgar Schein and Peter Schein (episode 539)
How to Approach a Reorg, with Claire Hughes Johnson (episode 621)
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