You're Shifting Into That Activation

For me, what my stability was was the chaos of it. So when a moment of stability comes, that, for me, is an activation in itself. I'm seeking the lack thereof joy, which then puts me into this emotional addiction to then panic to something feels really good. Those are all moments where i'm then just shifting back into disregulation and into panic, and getting that hit of emotional addiction again with that steady drip of cortosal. That is the thing that actually helped me regularlte before.