Navigating Confrontation, Understanding Freezing Response, and Coping with Endings

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about loneliness and why we can still feel lonely even after spending time with those we love. She also explains why we can struggle to express upset to those who hurt us, and almost prefer to turn it in on ourselves. Then Kati offers some ideas on how to better deal with goodbyes and endings, and times of year when more people reach out for help. She digs into ways we can love people who are hurtful to us from a distance, ECT treatment and its effects, and feelings of abandonment in our relationships.

Ask Kati Anything episode 198 audience questions:

1. Loneliness - mine isn’t the ‘simply be around like-minded people’ type. It’s this deep feeling - not always dark, but when it gets dark, it really feels awful, quite dangerous as well. Can you please talk about types of loneliness? Because in trying to talk about my loneliness, I often find myself in a lonelier spot....
2. When I get upset with someone else, I tend to feel the urge to punish myself for being upset rather than holding them accountable. Why is this happening? It’s totally destroying my mental health and relationships.
3. I'm looking for some tips on how I can better cope with goodbyes and endings. It's almost unreal how upset I get, even when something doesn't really mean that much to me. A co-worker I'm not even close to can retire, or a neighbor I rarely talk to can move, and it devastates me. Or a restaurant can close, or a TV show can end, and I feel sad and anxious at the thought of something being "over"...
4. Hi Kati! I was wondering as a therapist, if there are certain times of year that you tend to get more patients. I imagine that with health insurance deductibles resetting January 1, that many people would either start therapy or stop therapy around New Years. I also wonder if seasonal depression plays a role in this. Just curious, thanks!
5. Can you talk about ”loving at a distance” when one has to get away from their toxic home or parents, but still loves them and that it is possible to set boundaries and have one's own life without them in a healthy way?
6. I’ve been suffering from depression for quite some time and have tried many different kinds of treatments. I started doing ECT about 2 years ago and am currently on maintenance. I am embarrassed to admit it, but if I am honest with myself, I’ve kept going for a while largely for the anesthesia. I might also have developed an attachment to the care that I get as I am being prepped for the treatment.
7. I really struggle a lot with feeling a sense of abandonment when I'm (impatiently) waiting for a response to a text from a friend, or when I don't hear from them for a while, I automatically think the worst has happened!! For context, I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD, along with anxiety, depression & I strongly suspect CPTSD as well. Sometimes distraction or "radical acceptance" works (I have done some CBT therapy already), but not always. Any suggestions Kati?

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