Episode 319: Understanding the Achiever and Enneagram 3's with David and Sissy
Raising Boys & Girls
Raising Male Threes: Charm, Impatience, Boundaries
David warns about persuasive charm, intolerance of average performance, and the need for firm boundaries.
In today’s episode, we’re diving into the world of Enneagram Threes—the Achievers. Threes bring incredible energy, focus, and drive into everything they do. They’re natural leaders, quick thinkers, and inspiring motivators who help teams (and families!) move forward. But behind that determination can be a deep pressure to perform and a tendency to confuse “who I am” with “what I do.” We talk about how Threes’ productivity and polish can sometimes overshadow their emotional world, and how kids of Threes may feel like they need to “keep up” or perform, too. Together, we unpack the difference between being loved for who you are versus what you achieve—a truth every Three parent needs to hear.
We also explore what these traits look like in parenting—how Threes create structure and security, but may need intentional space for rest, play, and vulnerability. We share practical ways to slow down, lower the bar, and connect with your kids without an agenda. For moms and dads of Threes, we talk about the impact of image-conscious parenting in a social media age, how to model healthy failure, and how to keep performance from defining family life. Whether you’re a Three yourself or love someone who is, this episode is a reminder that your worth—and your child’s—isn’t earned. You’re loved for who you are, not what you do.
Books mentioned in this episode:
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Owen Learns He Has What it Takes: A Lesson in Resilience
Lucy Learns to Be Brave: A Lesson in Courage
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