The Compassionate Curiosity Framework for Difficult Conversations

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Kwame: I often see managers avoiding these sorts of conversations because they're hard and they don't want to offend or they're scared they'll be labeled as a bully. The framework that I use for all of my difficult conversations is something called the compassionate curiosity framework. Step two, get curious with compassion; step three, joint problem solving. Kwame: We have to normalize this experience to recognize that it's a shared experience. It's not just you.

Kwame Christian: Negotiate Anything Kwame Christian is the Director of the American Negotiation Institute and business lawyer at Carlile Patchen & Murphy. His popular TED talk is titled Finding Confidence in Conflict. Today, he’s working extensively with organizations to help them improve their skills on negotiation and conflict resolution. Kwame hosts the top negotiation podcast, Negotiate Anything and is the author of the book Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life*. Key Points Use the compassionate curiosity framework: Acknowledge and validate emotions Get curious with compassion Joint problem solving If a difficult situation needs to be discussed, giving a heads up to the other party in advance helps them to work through the initial, emotional reaction and reset for a more productive conversation. Separating conversations about the content or service being offered from the deal itself can be useful to focus energy in the right places at the right time. This is especially useful for creative folks or those who might be highly sensitive to negotiations. When dealing with someone who is not behaving well, use the phrase “The problem is…” as a transition point that provides you more agency in the conversation. Resources Mentioned Free Negotiation Guides from Kwame Negotiate Anything podcast Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life* by Kwame Christian Book Notes Download my highlights from Finding Confidence in Conflict in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes An Astronaut’s Guide To Life On Earth, with Chris Hadfield (episode 149) The Way to Have Conversations That Matter, with Celeste Headlee (episode 344) How to Find Confidence in Conflict, with Kwame Christian (episode 380) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.