Nice Guys Finish First—If They Do This | Dr. Ryan Fehr
The Art of Charm
The Power of Social Intelligence
This chapter explores the vital role social intelligence plays in career advancement, contrasting it with technical skills. It introduces the 'technical success paradox' and offers methods to improve social interactions for entrepreneurs facing challenges in actioning their ideas.
When high-stakes emotions hit — anger, anxiety, fear — most people default to either freezing or reacting. In this episode of Social Intelligence, Dr. Ryan Fehr, a leadership professor at the University of Washington, shares tools that help Navy SEALs, Fortune 500 execs, and everyday professionals regulate emotions under pressure.
Ryan and AJ discuss how to train your brain to respond—rather than react—in critical moments, build emotional range, and use discomfort as a performance advantage. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “Why did I say that?”—this episode will show you how to stay in control when it matters most.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] Why emotional intelligence beats raw intellect under pressure
[00:04:32] How to keep your cool during hard conversations
[00:07:15] Why naming your emotions gives you back control (affect labeling)
[00:11:28] The one mindset trick elite performers use to slow time during chaos
[00:15:40] Why “emotional range” is more important than positivity
[00:20:11] A Navy SEAL’s approach to mastering fear
[00:24:57] How to recognize your “emotional dashboard” before you blow up
[00:29:45] Why overconfidence is emotionally blinding — and how to fix it
[00:36:01] How Ryan teaches emotional control to MBA students and CEOs
[00:42:16] Emotional safety in leadership: what the research actually shows
[00:47:20] A 10-second tool to stay grounded when you want to explode
[00:51:55] What to do after an emotional failure — the self-compassion loop
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