How to Connect Deeper in Minutes | Charles Duhigg
The Art of Charm
Deepening Connections Through Communication
This chapter explores the significance of feeling heard and the role of effective communication in enhancing personal connections. The speakers also discuss the influence of technology on these communication styles and share positive experiences from programs focused on improving conversational skills.
Why do some people make every conversation better? Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist and author Charles Duhigg (Supercommunicators, The Power of Habit) returns to reveal the science behind connection that anyone can learn. In this conversation with AJ and Johnny, Charles explains why “super communicators” aren’t extroverts or natural charmers—they’re people who consistently use a handful of skills that make others feel smart, heard, and valued.
From NASA astronaut interviews to speed dating experiments, Charles shares practical techniques like “looping for understanding,” perspective-getting, and callbacks that transform awkward or tense moments into genuine connection. Whether you’re navigating conflict with your boss, strengthening friendships, or reconnecting with someone after years apart, these tools will help you communicate with intention, build trust, and leave every conversation stronger than when it started.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] What makes a “super communicator” and why it’s not charisma
[00:01:22] The Dartmouth study on “high centrality” people who make teams gel
[00:03:08] Why the best leaders ask instead of tell
[00:04:19] Communication as a skill—not a personality trait
[00:07:38] Laughter as a social signal, not just humor
[00:09:34] Why friendships at work predict happiness and retention
[00:15:14] How to start tough conversations with clarity and intention
[00:23:05] Proving you listened: the power of looping for understanding
[00:26:01] Why understanding each other matters more than agreeing
[00:33:27] Three steps for navigating difficult conversations (deep question, declare intention, acknowledge discomfort)
[00:42:24] How callbacks drive connection—from speed dating to parenting
[00:45:55] Charles’ daily practice for staying connected and curious
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Episode resources:
Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection
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