What Was It Like Flying Home From a Psychotic Break?

I was visiting a friend in the carolinas, and it was after tors. I started doing advocacy when i was still struggling really severely with a lot of stuff i was going through. It boggles my mind to figure out or even just grasp all the things that were going on inside. And this is just me imagining what my life would have been like if i stayed alive because i'm trying to subconsciously self soothe.