How to Deal With Grief

I am very much a victim to like literally like painting my whole room and you know getting things that I can't afford to try to numb that feeling. For me if we're giving advice on where to put that energy instead like oh my god the fucking notes up the notes up is your best friend the notes up your diary journaling reading. There was this book I read called the anatomy of grief that was just like all about grief as an idea, Buddhist stuff and I did a meditation course and I did like yeah all these things that I was like doing some spiritual healing shit that's not gonna work. You're trying everything you're lying you're still like fending for yourucking life