We

believe in looking to the future of relationships, not maintaining the status quo of the past. Whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, swinging,

dating, or if you just do relationships differently, we see you and we're here for you. On

this episode of the Multiamory podcast, we are back for another listener Q&A episode. We're discussing three different questions that we've received from you, our beautiful, wonderful listeners. We're going to be discussing varying sexual attraction to different partners, if a relationship might be going too well, and how to tell a partner that you don't want to do hierarchy anymore. So a lot of good ones coming up today. We're excited to talk about all of these. Also, if you are interested in learning about the communication tools that we reference on this show all the time, especially during these Q&A episodes, check out our book, Multiamory Essential Tools Modern Relationships, which covers our most used communication tools for all types of relationships. You can find links to buy it at multiamory.com/book or wherever books are sold. Before

we jump into all of this, we do have a quick disclaimer that we have spent a lot of time, 10 years worth of time, studying healthy relationship communication, but we're not mind readers. And our advice is based solely on the limited information that we have from the question askers. So please take everything that we say with a grain of salt. Everybody's

situation is unique. We encourage you to use your own judgment, seek professional help if needed. You're the one who decides whether or not our advice is applicable to you or not, because ultimately you are the only true expert on your life, your feelings, and your decisions. These questions have been edited for time and

clarity. And with that, question number one, I'm finding myself to be more sexually attracted to one of my partners than the other and feeling guilty about it. Is this something I should be concerned about? Here's the context. I have two long-term partners. One of them is a nesting partner, who we'll call Drew. One of them is long distance, who we'll call John. I've started to realize that I'm more sexually attracted to John. I do enjoy sex with Drew, but it's a lot less charged than the sex with John, and it's much harder for me to get turned on, initiate sex, or be in the mood. I know that's par for the course when it comes to long distance versus nesting, but I also feel that John and I just have a sexual chemistry that Drew and I never did. Recently, I found myself imagining sex with John while I'm having sex with Drew. Or I use my sexual excitement for John to get myself in the mood with Drew. I feel really guilty about this, and I know a lot of it comes from mononormative conditioning. I'm trying to remind myself that it's okay if both partners don't make me feel hot and heavy all the time. And I'm deeply in love with Drew for a billion reasons. But when it comes to sex and physical attraction, my mind goes straight to John. I have a deeper fear that I'm just not sexually attracted to Drew anymore, and we'll have to come to terms with that. Do you guys think that this is something to be concerned about? Is it shitty that I have one partner on my mind while having sex with the other? And this is from Anxiously Adrift in the Middle of the Atlantic. Do

they live on like Malta? Do

they live on a boat? Yeah,

I'm assuming a boat. A raft is actually what I pictured.

Just a raft. Oh, God, no wonder your sex drive would be out of whack. Mine

would. It's a stressful situation.

Really stressful situation. Yeah. Okay, so I want to zoom out. And separate from this question asker's question, I want to hear from the two of you, your thoughts on thinking about somebody else while you're in bed with someone who is not that person that you were thinking about.

Right.