As a kid, I was told that I would be lucky if I even graduated high school and at very, very low IQ. And what I was very much not according to all these experts was smart or genius. So I really internalized that as a kid about like, I, what I wanted most was to be a genius. It's taken years, but you know, so maybe this is what a genius life is: doing a exorcism of all of those internalized beliefs that weren't mine.