The Importance of Fighting in Friendship

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Marissa Mayer: One area that can cause us a lot of anxiety is fighting in the context of friendship. She says we're led to believe it's unreasonable for us to have big arguments with our friends because after all, they're just our friends. Mayer: Research shows conflict is correlated with deeper intimacy and so I was like, wow, am I actually missing out on this opportunity for intimacy by trying to ignore the conflict?

It's a mistake to prioritize romantic and familial relationships over friendship, argues psychologist Dr. Marisa Franco. Strong, supportive friendships expand our sense of self, she says, and are associated with greater well-being and health. Marisa offers research-based strategies to make new friends and deepen our existing friendships, including helpful concepts like mutuality and the mere-exposure effect. Marisa and Maya also discuss how to stay friends through big life changes, why fighting could make your friendship stronger, and how to break up with a friend with clarity and kindness.

For more on Marisa's work, check out her book, “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends."

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