Over the night basically I focus on these 12 steps so you know pain strength is built on pain so it's like everyone goes through that challenging times. My grandmother was she was from Zovlin in the Czech Republic and she went through the Holocaust, 60,000 Jews were murdered there. So then I reflected on my relationship with my with my husband I thought well one day either he would leaveI would leave one of us would die the relationship was always impermanent so can I just be grateful for what's happened? And another thing is karma you know what was my responsibility what did I do in the relationship that caused him to want to leave me or gave him that thoughts?"