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The Psychology of Negative Self-Talk
Our sense of self has been hijacked for this need for approval and to be perfect. It's also influenced by how our parents or caregivers treat praise and love. In psychology, there is an important distinction between conditional and unconditional positive regard. Love is conditional on our ability to meet some standard; it's not freely given. We have unconditional positive regard, and that means loving someone, supporting them, regardless of whether they meet our expectations. The words spoken to us in childhood become the words we speak to ourselves in adulthood.