Is My Goal to Be Righteous and Affronted and Wronged or to Solve This Problem?

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It's very useful to appreciate that righteousness produces all kinds of rewards, including biochemicals in the brain. I have absolutely entered arguments where like my goal in that argument was to like be righteous and feel righteous. And even if I could add to perpetuate the conflict as a mode of attaching wild distancing. In addition to just the reward value ofrighteousness,. consider the ways in which people attach through bickering or attach to quarreling because it's a way of being in relationship while simultaneously Distancing from the other person.

All of our relationships include some conflict, the big question is how skillfully we handle that conflict when it appears. Dr. Rick Hanson joins Forrest to walk us through some effective ways to deal with common forms of interpersonal conflict. They explore the four common disagreements, the subtle ways power shows up in our relationships, separating content from process, and how to stand your ground.

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New Online Course From Dr. Rick: Learn the tools you need to build strong, healthy, fulfilling relationships of all kinds in Rick's new Strong Heart Relationship Series. The program begins on February 18th, and all the teaching is recorded so you can watch on your own schedule. Visit RickHanson.net/strongheart to learn more and get 20% with coupon code BeingWell20.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction and Rick’s new book

1:25: Common conflicts Rick has seen in couples counseling

3:40: The importance of the way something is said

8:10: Disentangling tone from content

9:45: Distinguishing intent from impact

12:10: The unconscious functions of conflict

17:50: Navigating differences in temperament, and cultivating enthusiasm

25:05: Power tripping, control, and misinterpretation

29:50: Primate politics, escalation, and identifying what’s really happening

35:45: Trust

39:15: How much are we willing to tolerate?

41:10: Dealing with entitlement, and when to push back

43:40: Peoples’ capacity to change, balancing harmony and truth

46:10: Focus on communicating for yourself

49:05: Recap

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