We trust somebody when we feel like they understand us. We've got to figure out every relationship, everybody has self-interest. It's got to be mutually satisfying. The third element is ability. Do they have the perseverance to go through a really, really difficult season if this thing goes south and the red numbers start coming in? You know, I had a brother in law who was an ABCL come after me with steel. But if my dog dies and that context needs fixing, I'm not calling Mark. He's saying, dude, get over it. That's great people. And problems are meant to be fixed."
Henry Cloud: Trust
Henry Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, clinical psychologist and a New York Times bestselling author. His 45 books, including the iconic Boundaries, have sold nearly 20 million copies worldwide. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEOs, leadership teams, and executives to improve performance, leadership skills, and culture.
Henry's work has been featured and reviewed by The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Publisher’s Weekly, Los Angeles Times, and many other publications. Success Magazine named him in the top 25 most influential leaders in personal growth and development, alongside Oprah, Brené Brown, Seth Godin and others. He is a frequent contributor to CNN, Fox News Channel, and other national media outlets. Henry is the author of Trust: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken*.
When someone betrays your trust, what do you do next? In this conversation, Henry and I explore the five factors of trust and the importance of each one of them in our relationships. Then, we look at the starting point for rebuilding trust after a betrayal, beginning with you and your own support network.
Key Points
Five factors are key for trust: understanding, motive, ability, character, and track record.
Repairing trust is not clean or orderly. The first step is about you, not the person who betrayed you.
Leaders who have a support network already in place are better able to take a pause and work through emotion and anger.
An authentic apology from someone should articulate the event itself, demonstrate their empathy for how the event felt to you, and appreciate the consequences of their actions.
Forgiving someone does not mean you trust them.
Resources Mentioned
Trust: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken* by Henry Cloud
Interview Notes
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The Path Towards Trusting Relationships, with Edgar Schein and Peter Schein (episode 539)
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