Speaker 1
They feel guilty when you remind them that they're incompetent and couldn't stop smoking. And then to deal with their self, their failing and the self-flagellation, they go out and smoke to relax. So if you're really going to get people to change, and this gets back into the fundamental psychology change, which is, it's not the psychology of Freud, which is about how messed up you are because of your parents. It's not about the beautiful, wonderful work that's been done in the mid part of the last century that helped establish the fundamentals of why we think the way we think and why archetypes are so important to us and why faith is ultimately so essential to our well-being. Faith in anything, ourselves, something bigger than us and all the things that go along with that. But the psychology of change is about the very seemingly pedestrian issue of how you get people to be different than they were going to do. But it drives all politics. It drives a lot of decisions that are being made today. All marketing is based on this. But it is also the main reason we have conflict in our relationships because men marry the women exactly they want just the way they want her. And then she wants to change. And women marry the man they think he can become, and he won't change. Right? Yes. And then women, if from the moment you're married, you're moving apart from each other. Yeah. And you've got to find ways of reconnecting. After the chemical handcuffs come off, which is about seven years, that's about enough time to bear a couple of children and get them to an age where they could actually chip in a little bit and not run off the cliff. Right? But at seven years, the chemical handcuffs fall off the oxytocin, don't mean serotonin, they go away. And now you actually are left with who you really are. And you can't figure it out because you don't understand the emotions drive it. It seems self-evident, but think about how you communicate with each other. Yeah. So I'm going to tell someone to stop smoking. I don't tell them they're stupid for smoking. I tell them, do you care for yourself as much as the people in this room who brought you here care for you? And if you really loved yourself, you would stop. Even more importantly, if you love the people who are around you, you'll stop so you'll be there for them who's going to walk your daughter down the aisle, who's going to keep your wife company when she gets frail because she's going to need you. So if now with that mindset, here are a couple of tactics that might work. We'll still give you the tools. Yeah, sure. But you'll use them now with a bit of passion. And that is the fundamental way we get people to adjust their lives. And when we try to ignore that, that's why politics is so fascinating because people emotionally already know the answer, their answer. It may not be your answer, but it's their answer. Then the facts are just there to defend it. That's why people have these exact same set of facts and have opposite answers because you can manipulate facts. It's a classic line. There's statisticians, damn statisticians and liars, right? Yeah. Like I said, I said it wrong. I said it wrong. I said it wrong. It's liars. I'm not completely in my debt. That's why I said it again. It's liars. I don't have to add it to give it to you. If we all make mistakes, it's liars, damn liars and statisticians. And because the statisticians are ultimately, not that they want to do it, but they can manipulate anything to say anything. And if you don't deal with the underlying emotions of why you feel a certain way about abortion or gun control or inequality or immigration, then you're not the facts of who cares. You can change minds with facts sometimes, but it's uncommon. Absolutely.
Speaker 1
in people's lives? It's the best way for you to identify that part of your purpose is to better the planet, to bring light to us. This is a rabbinical concept in Judaism, it speaks to this, that your goals are bringing light and you have to challenge yourself. Are you bringing light to the world or not? We can get petty, all of us can. We can make mistakes. But if what you're fundamentally trying to do is to lift the burden, then you're doing good. And one of the best ways you can do that is to your own body. Because you either are an albatross or on the neck of the people who love you or you're leading the path forward. And the big insight that people don't want to acknowledge, but I'll share with you right now, is people who hang with healthy people get healthy, people who hang with unhealthy people get sick. That's why when couples marry, the wife will generally lose some health because she takes better care of herself in general than he does. And his bad habits rub off on her. We want to flip that. Move it the other way. Because once you figure out those basic simple steps, which are much more tangible and visible, we can all get up and walk half an hour in the morning and if you didn't walk, you didn't do it. Then from there in your meditation, how good's your meditation? Well, you can beat yourself about it. Trying, of course, is the most important thing. But walking the 10,000 steps is easier to measure, quantify and check the box on that did you get to a place in meditation that you were aiming for. And then did that translate to living a life of awareness and fulfillment? Well, that's hard. People spend their whole lives and don't get there, which maybe you're never supposed to get there. And on and on until you finally get to a place where, and I've seen this especially in older patients, where you did what you wanted to do. There's a serenity, a peacefulness. And I see that especially in people who say, I've done enough. I don't need to have my life saved anymore. Dr. Oz, I know you can operate in my heart and make my vow better, but it's not about that. People that I loved, I loved, many are gone. The things I needed to do, I got passed. I'm ready for the next chapter. And I pray that I'll one day be able to get there. For most of us thinking through this podcast right now, we're not there. But we better take the steps so that we'll one day be that. Otherwise, what's it about? Absolutely. Yeah.