The Top Layer of Your Mind, Pushing the Waves Down

i feel like my whole life is just, literally, this is what it feels like all the time. What's odd is, whenever i have a toy that i'm playing with in my head, that this whole thing goes from like five layers to just kind of almost one or two. A calm mind can enjoy things. The problem is that at the top, the biggest thing is, why can't i be present? And what i'm telling you, if you want that to go away, accept it. It'll melt.