Understanding Conflict Styles in Couples

“If you're dealing with an issue, don't describe your partner. Describe yourself, your feelings, and your needs," says Julie Gottman, Ph.D.

Julie and John Gottman, Ph.D., leading relationship experts and founders of the Gottman Institute, join us to discuss how to know if your partner is long-term material, plus:

- The top ingredients for a loving relationship (~00:02)

- The three main conflict styles (~02:34)

- The “bomb drop” fight (~09:16)

- What to do if you feel “flooded” during a fight (~11:17)

- The “shallows” fight (~16:17)

- How to resolve “the standoff” (~19:20)

- How couples can rebuild their relationship post-affair (~28:43)

- What causes affairs? (~34:20)

- The Gottmans’ top 3 green flags in a relationship (~35:56)

- How to know if you’ve found The One (~43:01)

- What causes unhappy marriages? (~46:02)

- How to know if you’re ready for a serious relationship (~50:51)

- The Gottmans’ No. 1 tip for successful relationships (~54:18)

Referenced in the episode:

- The Gottmans' book, Fight Right.

- mbg Podcast episodes #320 and #461, with the Gottmans.

- Learn more about the Gottmans' research on marriage and couples.

- Check out Caryl Rusbult's research.

- Research on recovering after an affair.

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