228. “I’m 30, broke, and tired of budgeting”
Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi
A Grocery Purchase Conflict Reveals Roles
Kristen and Josh recreate a grocery checkout disagreement, showing Kristen as manager and Josh as reassurer.
Kristen (30) and Josh (36) married just last year, but their honeymoon phase is buried under $40,000 of debt and a sense of being “trapped.” Kristen is meticulous, tracking every dollar and carrying deep guilt around spending—even on herself. Josh, meanwhile, shrugs off the stress with a “we’ll figure it out” attitude, though his impulse purchases and nicotine habit don’t help.
With 82% of their income tied up in fixed costs, they’re left with almost nothing for fun, savings, or their dreams of a bigger space for pets and cars. Kristen is exhausted from budgeting every penny, while Josh wonders if more discipline is really the answer. Can Ramit help them break free from the cycle of guilt, fear, and deprivation—and finally learn how to enjoy life while paying off debt?
In this episode we uncover:
• Why Kristen describes her daily life as feeling “trapped” by debt and second-guessing over small purchases
• How Josh’s role as the “ignorant reassurer” undermines their partnership
• The moment Kristen admits she feels like the “manager” of their household finances, while Josh feels like an “employee”
• Why 82% of their income goes to fixed costs
• How Josh’s nicotine habit consumes nearly all of their guilt-free spending
• Kristen’s pride in maintaining her cars and what it reveals about her resourcefulness
• The trade-offs Kristen faced leaving a toxic job for lower pay
• How Josh’s childhood poverty and lessons in “patience” continue to shape his money mindset today
• Kristen’s upbringing in a family of secrecy and mixed financial messages
• The deep guilt Kristen feels about spending and the quiet fear Josh carries that he’ll “never get ahead”
• How Ramit challenges them to imagine freedom beyond budgeting and debt payoff
Chapters:
(00:00:00) “I feel trapped by $50”
(00:19:44) Ramit breaks down their numbers
(00:36:45) “Zero interest… but still stressed”
(00:43:45) “We packed coolers instead of eating out”
(00:51:54) “When money gets hard, I just work harder”
(01:06:08) “I want a partner, not an employee”
(01:13:31) Turning side hustles into new income
(01:19:45) “What do we do with too much money?”
(01:28:44) Choosing how to design their Rich Life
(01:36:03) Where are they now? Kristen and Josh’s follow-ups
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Connect with Ramit
• Get my new book, Money For Couples
• Get Money Coaching with Ramit
• Download the Conscious Spending Plan
• Listen to my book—now on Audible
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If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.
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