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The movie kicks off with—yep, you guessed it—a yule log. A woman named Dianne shows up and begins vacuuming the floor. There's a knock at the door, and it's another woman claiming her car broke down. Suddenly, her son invites himself in, and we see Dianne get pushed down in front of the camera. Then a masked man appears and comes after her. Just then, the video is paused, and we realize the police are watching the footage. Apparently, Dianne doesn’t make it—and she’s not the only one.

From what I gather, Dianne was cleaning the house for a group of renters who were about to arrive. And they do. All of them end up dead—except one: Zoe. But Zoe is not doing well. And Zoe knows the truth: it wasn’t a person that did this. Rather, it was a killer log that floats around and murders people.

Speaking of which, a police officer is watching more of the tape when he hears a noise from the evidence room. He goes to check it out—and it’s the yule log. He tries to fight back, but the yule log saws off his leg with a chainsaw and blows up the building with dynamite, destroying the tape.

Zoe tries to return to normal life, but she keeps seeing the log everywhere and ends up getting fired from her job. The police tell her the case is closed—they're convinced the masked man is the killer. Zoe insists, “No, it’s the log!” But no one believes her.

Her friend Jakester suggests they get away from it all and spend Christmas on an island. They get in the car—but Santa makes them crash into a tree. A tow truck driver shows up, and he’s a total hunk.

Zoe starts wandering around this small town, axe in hand, and notices things get oddly brighter when she enters Main Street. She keeps bumping into hunks, but she doesn’t have time for that. The first hunk is an influencer named Bo Regards, and he announces, “WE’RE GOING TO GET DINNER!” After the fourth hunk knocks her over, she yells for help. A hunky Christmas ornament shop owner comes to her rescue and brings her inside. She meets his kid and his Nana and learns that the guy—Bert—is a widower. She accidentally knocks over all the ornaments and tries to fix them, but then she gets a text from Bo about dinner plans. Turns out Bo has opened his own competing ornament shop. Unfortunate.

Meanwhile, the yule log is on its own adventure. It sneaks into the trunk of a family going camping and proceeds to brutally kill them all.

Bo agrees to let Zoe use his helicopter, but it leaves without her. As she walks back to town, Bert and his family pick her up and offer to let her stay with them. She opens up to Bert about what happened, and he’s like, “Don’t worry—I know just what you need.” He’s built a machine that helps people process trauma. And it works. Her life changes. She’s full of holiday cheer and no longer afraid of the yule log.

Zoe and Bert have a wonderful day together—blowing bubbles by the creek, sliding down a fire pole, etc. Everything seems great—until we see the yule log peeking around a corner.

But don’t worry—Santa shows up and captures it in a bag. He runs it through a wood chipper, then buries the pieces in a shallow grave and pours cement over it. Looks like the nightmare is finally over.

Except… one tiny wood strip escapes. It flies through the air and gives Nana a splinter.

They all go inside for dinner, and—don’t ask me why—Zoe opens the freezer and sees a mini version of Nana, who invites her inside. Zoe climbs in and shrinks down too. Her ex, Alex, is also in the freezer, working on his boxing skills. (I have no idea, man.)

The next day, Nana complains about her stomach—but I’m sure it’s nothing.

At Christmas dinner, chaos erupts. Nana starts vomiting all over the food and then starts choking. One of the Cards tries to give her the Heimlich when suddenly they’re stabbed by a giant tree branch. More branches burst from Nana until her head pops off—and the yule log crawls out from the head hole.

Nana Yule Log heads to the town square, where the Yule Log Festival is happening. She lights all the other yule logs on fire, and they begin attacking the townspeople.

She tracks Zoe and Bert back to his house, where they discover that the ashes of their loved ones are the only thing that can extinguish the fire.

They win! Zoe decides it’s best to leave town.

But in the end, she returns for the store’s grand re-opening—and kisses Bert.

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