There's this paradoxical ego thing where the ego says, oh, i'm an idiot. That's why it happened. And then there's no like, forward progress, right? It gives you that sort of, in a weird way, blames you a hundred % and absolves you of the ponsibility of doing anything about it. The second internal way to sort of work on your self esteem is to internalize their external expectations which at some point can get tangled up with your sense of identity.