#393 – Andrew Huberman: Relationships, Drama, Betrayal, Sex, and Love
Lex Fridman Podcast
The Difference Between Overt and Covert Contracts in Relationships
In relationships, there are overt and covert contracts. Overt contracts involve explicit agreements and are generally positive. Covert contracts, on the other hand, are hidden agreements based on resentment and lead to negative outcomes. Covert contracts often involve manipulative behavior, such as verbal jabs, showing up late, or developing relationships with others. These contracts can be seen in romantic relationships, where one person may make the other feel powerful in exchange for feeling desired, but secretly does not want to fulfill their end of the bargain. Covert contracts are the cause of many problems, while overt contracts are more beneficial. When people feel unsafe or threatened in an interaction, they tend to engage in covert contracting out of fear. This tendency is a negative aspect of human nature, likely stemming from our advanced prefrontal cortex. Dealing with the true sense of fear and insecurity requires more cognitive effort than engaging in hidden agreements.
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