The Value of Friction in Fostering Resilient Communities

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Friction, especially in relationships and communities, plays a crucial role in keeping people together in a profound and important way. In a world where convenience and optionality are prioritized, the friction of staying in challenging situations such as religious affiliations or close-knit communities is what holds people together. The deeper value of a community lies in the friction that keeps people committed, and synthetic communities with easy opt-in and opt-out options risk losing this deeper value.

People are becoming increasingly lonely and are unable to relate to one another. Yet we have more access to more people than ever before. What's going on? Is it technology? Is social media replacing our sense of community with the empty calories of the sweet, sweet For You feed? Or maybe it’s the deterioration of the nuclear family — fewer kids are being born and being raised by fewer parents. Or is it the lack of religion in public life? Or the geographic exodus from small towns and communities towards big anonymous cities? Or the economic inequality and complete loss of work/life balance? These are questions that I, and renowned journalist and author David Brooks, unpack together as we nose dive into the social and emotional disconnect of millions of people. Need lessons on how to talk to the barista making your coffee? Looking to build a better relationship with Gary from across the fence? This episode won’t make you a master of communication overnight, but it’s a fascinating conversation packed with useful insight from beginning to end. Listen to it.

0:00 Introduction 2:46 Why we’re in a social crisis 5:55 The harsh judgment of social media 8:06 The growth of distrust 10:57 The decline of the traditional family 15:14 On communitarian cultures 16:24 Making America more “relationalist” 18:19 The Scandinavian and Israeli success 20:33 Is this success replicable in a diverse society? 23:32 The vice of today’s generation 29:19 David’s take on politics 32:11 Mark on the evolution of self-help 33:57 The recession of religion 38:33 Friction is the point 39:46 The “second mountain” 46:42 What we’re really motivated by 49:55 Can we go straight to the “second mountain”? David Brooks is a journalist and bestselling author of seven books, including his newest, “How to Know a Person.” David has had a popular column at the *New York Times* for over 20 years and teaches courses on philosophy at Yale. David Brooks on Twitter @nytdavidbrooks: https://twitter.com/nytdavidbrooks David Brooks’ column: https://www.nytimes.com/column/david-brooks David's new book “How to Know a Person:” https://www.amazon.com/How-Know-Person-Seeing-Others/dp/059323006X