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444: Mr. Nice Guy Syndrome, Managing Boundaries, Shame and Our Triggered Nervous Systems with Dr. Robert Glover

Front Row Dads with Jon Vroman

NOTE

Kindness Without Covert Contracts

Individuals often fall into the trap of covert contracts, believing that being nice will guarantee love and acceptance. The first covert contract posits that good behavior will earn affection, leading to toxic dynamics where the expectation of reciprocated love breeds frustration. This is exemplified in relationships where one party provides support in anticipation of deeper emotional or physical intimacy, only to feel resentment when those expectations aren’t met. The second contract suggests that if one anticipates the needs of others without being asked, then their own needs will likewise be fulfilled, a notion rooted in unrealistic mind-reading. This caretaking often stems from a desire for validation rather than genuine giving. Lastly, the belief that executing all tasks perfectly will lead to a trouble-free life is misguided; life is inherently unpredictable. Understanding these patterns is crucial for establishing healthier interactions and boundaries.

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