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How to Turn Resentment into Compassion | Dr. Steve Stosny | #5

Stronger Marriage Connection

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The Importance of Blame vs Improvement in Adult Brain Functioning

Blaming yourself is just as bad as blaming others, because you can't improve if you're focused on blame. You have to focus on strengths and resilience./nBlame and improvement come from different parts of the brain. Blame comes from the toddler brain, while improvement comes from the prefrontal cortex. To improve, you need to be in the present and future, not the past./nThe toddler brain is good for having fun, but it can't improve anything. The adult brain is necessary for problem-solving. The quickest way to get into the adult brain is to think about what you can do to make the situation better./nIn relationships, each person has enormous power over the other's emotional well-being. This power comes with the territory of attachment, but it can be abused./nAnger management isn't very effective because it teaches you to manage feelings of anger, but it doesn't address the behavior that usually comes with anger.

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