Cultural reasons for the difficulty in being self-compassionate stem from societal norms that promote self-sacrifice and prioritize compassion towards others. Meanwhile, from an evolutionary perspective, our threat defense system inclines us to be self-critical when feeling threatened, while the care system encourages compassion and support towards loved ones for their safety. This distinction arises from the instinct to protect oneself through self-criticism and support others through compassion, leading to a tendency to prioritize kindness towards others over self-compassion.
Self-compassion isn't selfish, says psychologist Kristin Neff, a pioneer in research on the topic. Kristin busts cultural myths about self-compassion, such as the idea that it makes us lazy or self-indulgent, and explains why it’s actually a more effective motivational tool than self-criticism. She also breaks down why fostering more self-compassion is a better strategy than trying to boost self-esteem and offers some simple practices for being kinder to ourselves.
If you enjoyed this episode, we recommend this one from the archives: “The Science of Our Inner Voice.”
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