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Esther Perel: How to Find, Build & Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationships
Huberman Lab
Building Relationships: Cornerstone vs. Capstone
In relationships, the distinction between cornerstone and capstone plays a crucial role in understanding personal growth and partnership dynamics. Cornerstone relationships typically occur early in life, where both partners grow and develop together, laying the foundational aspects of their identities and aspirations. They collaborate in defining their lives, such as saving money and establishing their first homes. In contrast, capstone relationships arise later, often when individuals have already solidified their identities and values over a decade or more. In these partnerships, each partner serves as a confirmation of the other's established identity rather than a facilitator of personal growth. The desire shifts from seeking someone to help develop one's identity to finding a partner who acknowledges and appreciates the identity already formed. This developmental arc emphasizes a changing perspective on relationships, highlighting that the focus on personal identity varies significantly depending on the life stage in which two people connect.
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