The Pitfalls of Trying to Change Yourself for Someone Else

The belief that changing oneself will make a partner love more often stems from codependency and anxious attachment tendencies. This leads to individuals trying to alter their appearance, behavior, or actions in hopes of improving the relationship or their partner's behavior. However, this approach often results in a cycle of people-pleasing and shape-shifting, eroding self-worth and identity. Despite the efforts to change, seeking validation through self-transformation usually backfires, reinforcing feelings of unworthiness and undesirability. This dynamic is common among individuals with anxious attachment styles and emphasizes the importance of building self-worth and a strong self-connection as part of the healing journey.