I didn't want to be a kid any more. And i heard about these auditions because of my experience with the explorers. They were doing big casting calls for this movie, dead poet society. I mean, going down there and meeting robin williams and having this part and all this responsibility and working with genuine artists. This was not peter weir at that time. There's a certain magic that happens in movies sometimes. If you try to put it into words, what's so beautiful and mysterious about life itself, you just become an idiot by trying to give it vocabulary, words that make sense.