Empowered Refusal: Using it to Say No to Others and Ourselves

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The speaker finds it shocking that people are asked to do something 33 times before they say no
Using technology to create distance can make it easier to refuse a request
The model can be used not only to say no to others, but also to say no to oneself
Empowered refusal helps with self-regulation, according to a research study published in the Journal of Consumer Research

Saying no can seem risky. We worry about offending others, damaging relationships, or hurting our own reputation. But as Vanessa Patrick says, no is an empowering word that gives us greater agency in our lives.

Saying no “is not a rejection of the other person,” says Patrick, a professor of Marketing at the University of Houston. Instead, it allows you to set boundaries and “[give] voice to what you believe and what you care about.” In her book, The Power of Saying No, Patrick introduces what she calls “empowered refusal,” a way of saying no that’s rooted in one’s identity, values, priorities, and preferences. “An empowered no,” she says, “is about us, not a rejection of the other person.”

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Patrick and host Matt Abrahams explore how to use the power of no, how to move from strategy forming to strategy implementation, and how to resist momentary pleasures that distract us from our larger goals.

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