Asking people what they are most excited about in life right now is a way to initiate and deepen relationships. By expressing curiosity at a deeper level, and then reciprocating with personal disclosures, relationships can escalate and expand. This reciprocal escalating disclosure is how people form relationships. When interacting with new people, it is important to ask questions that allow for comfortable disclosure, and then reciprocate with a step deeper. This helps kick off a relationship and expands mutual knowledge. Additionally, the speaker suggests that engaging in work such as writing a book, hosting a podcast, or teaching can lead to personal growth and changes in one's self.
“The self is incompatible with freedom, the way most people understand it, because the self is a constraint,” says social psychologist and professor of organizational behavior Brian Lowery. “The ‘you’ you’re talking about is actually the relationships you have, the social interactions you have and the cultural context you exist in."
In this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Lowery sits down with podcast host and lecturer in strategic communications Matt Abrahams to talk about his new book, Selfless: The Social Creation of You. Lowery argues that there is no essential “self” — our selves are creations of those we interact with — exploring what that means for who we can be and who we allow others to be. He also shares research on how asking deeply personal questions can be a tool for deepening relationships.
Brian Lowery is the co-director of the Stanford Institute on Race and the host of the podcast, Know What You See.
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