Speaker 1
That's, I think this record, there's a part of that happening for sure. I also think that so, so in a live show, I know I've got this many breaths and I've got this many words. And so if there's a moment in between grabbing the microphone and walking to that other point of the stage, let me get as many breaths in as I can before I get there, because I got to think I got to sing my head off. You I look at the entire show and I go, okay, this is how much energy I have. Let me time this perfectly so that I land at zero right at the end. A lot of times when I believe the way that I deal with, whether it's guilt or grief, and we talked about that a few times, there's a few moments on this record that I address grief. The way that I would deal with grief is I'm the type when my grandfather died and my dad actually had a scare in the hospital not too long ago. I planted out go, okay, this is how many days I got left on this earth. I'm going to deal with this grief this much every day. I'm going to spread it out all the way so that I can experience the least amount of grief that I can each day. I mean, what that is is it's not letting it go. You're talking about letting something go. And my default is to, you know, manage that feeling and spread it out as far as possible so that I don't have to hit it hard all one day, let it tear me down and then get over it and then move on. And so I think that in a lot of ways, creatively, what happened, and I'm not trying to correlate losing a loved one to having a hit record, but what happened with blurry face, that record, the just meteoric rise and how quickly that all happened, I'm still wrapping my mind around that roller coaster ride. I mean, you would think that I would be able to look back on it and it is what it is. It's still affecting the decisions I make now because dealing with that type of pressure, I've decided to span it out. And that's why when it was happening, I was cool. Nothing it never bothered me. It's like, this is the way it's supposed to be. Don't get emotional. I was born for this, right? But that was my version of dealing with a tiny increment of how crazy it is that that happened to me. And so I think with entrenched, I look at the record directly following blurry face after that rise.