Ask What and How, Not Why

Focusing questions on 'how' and 'what' rather than 'why' yields more actionable insights and guidance. Framing inquiries such as 'How do you want me to move through this?' or 'What do you want me to do next?' elicits direct and clear responses. This approach shifts the mindset from seeking justification to pursuing practical steps and immediate actions. It emphasizes the importance of intuitive actions in everyday situations, facilitating a proactive engagement with challenges instead of getting stuck in endless questioning.

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Elizabeth Gilbert is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Big Magic and Eat, Pray, Love. Her latest novel, City of Girls, was named an instant New York Times bestseller. Go to ElizabethGilbert.Substack.com to subscribe to “Letters From Love with Elizabeth Gilbert,” her newsletter, which has more than 120,000 subscribers.

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Timestamps:

[00:00] Start

[00:07:14] No cherished outcomes.

[00:12:27] Self-compassionate ownership of responsibility.

[00:17:24] The daily practice of writing letters from love.

[00:23:54] Two-way prayer vs. one-way prayer.

[00:32:29] The male approach to this practice.

[00:35:59] How do you feel toward yourself vs. about yourself?

[00:38:25] Understanding self-hatred to foster self-friendliness.

[00:44:52] Setting boundaries and dealing with those who refuse to honor them.

[00:51:47] Why (and how) Elizabeth avoids big family holiday gatherings.

[00:53:47] Comfort in solitude.