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444: Mr. Nice Guy Syndrome, Managing Boundaries, Shame and Our Triggered Nervous Systems with Dr. Robert Glover

Front Row Dads with Jon Vroman

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Navigating the Spectrum of Nice and Jerk: Understanding Boundaries and Vulnerability

Individuals navigating the spectrum between being overly nice and exhibiting jerk-like behavior often grapple with underlying shame, fear, and anxiety. Both extremes—'nice guys' and 'jerk assholes'—are driven by similar vulnerabilities, although they manifest their coping strategies differently. 'Nice guys' tend to avoid conflict through flight or freeze responses, desperately seeking approval and attempting to manage their vulnerabilities through appeasement. Conversely, 'jerk assholes' adopt a fight response, employing aggressiveness as a façade to manipulate others and mask their own insecurities. The struggle lies in establishing healthy boundaries, as 'nice guys' may swing to extreme boundary-setting behaviors that can resemble aggression, leading to a disbalance. Achieving equilibrium requires recognizing that both approaches stem from the same sources of discomfort and understanding that the tension between niceness and jerkiness constitutes a toxic dynamic that hinders authentic connections and self-acceptance.

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