The Four Horsemen of Bad Relationships

Criticism entails blaming a problem on a partner's personality flaw, while contempt involves looking down on one's partner with superiority, which can harm the immune system of the recipient. Defensiveness and stonewalling are common responses to criticism and contempt. Defensiveness leads to counter-attacks or playing the victim, while stonewalling involves shutting down and disengaging as a response to feeling overwhelmed. These behaviors, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, can lead to destructive patterns in relationships, often triggered by a lack of understanding the hidden agendas behind conflicts.