Overcoming Nice Guy Syndrome | Dr. Robert Glover
The Art of Charm
The Importance of Authenticity and Generosity in Relationships
In relationships, it is important to communicate wants and needs to build trust and authenticity. Many struggle with being genuinely generous. The concept of covert contracts is highlighted, revealing the impact of certain behaviors.
In today’s episode, we cover passive communication with Dr Robert Glover. Robert is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome, has helped thousands of nice guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males, and is the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life.
Trying to be the nice guy is a fatal step many men take to get what they want out of life, but what makes being a nice guy so bad, how can you identify your nice guy tendencies, and what can you do to get what you want without being a jerk?
What to Listen For
- Introduction – 0:00
- What is Nice Guy Syndrome and why is being a nice guy (or nice girl) counterproductive to getting what you want out of life?
- Does Nice Guy Syndrome also apply to women?
- Being a Nice Guy makes people like you less – 13:30
- Why does being a nice guy lead people to trust you less and like you less, and what should you do instead?
- Why do Nice Guys seem inauthentic and untrustworthy?
- The Covert Contracts of Nice Guys – 19:38
- What are the three secret contracts Nice Guys have with other people and why are these contracts harmful to them and their relationships?
- Identify Relationships that are not serving you – 32:34
- What are Cooperative Reciprocal Relationships and what exercise can you do now to understand what relationships are not helping you and what relationships you should add to your life?
- Setting Boundaries and Expressing Your Desires – 44:25
- What can you do if you know you should set boundaries but aren’t sure how to set them or defend them when people around you push back?
- If you feel shame related to your sexual desires, what can you do to work through it and develop a healthy relationship with your needs and wants, as well as expressing them confidently instead of hiding them?
Being a nice guy sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it? Why would it be a bad thing? Turns out, when a man is trying to be a nice guy, it almost always means he’s not being authentic. Many times, a nice guy is nice because he thinks that’s what other people want him to be. He thinks being nice will result in people liking him and treating him better and sleeping with him. Instead, people see the niceness as a facade masking his true intentions and feelings. This makes him untrustworthy and unlikable. People respect and are drawn to others who are comfortable being themselves and being honest with the people around them.
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Resources from this Episode
- Dr. Robert Glover’s website
- No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover
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