Attuned processing of negative events in a relationship is crucial as it prevents them from being remembered and rehearsed repeatedly. John Gottman highlights that failing to fully process negative events can lead to attributing blame and spiraling conflicts. By engaging in attuned processing and achieving closure, the negative event becomes insignificant, whereas avoiding processing leads to festering and potential future triggers, underscoring the significance of attuning to prevent relationship issues from escalating.
What’s the best way to carry out random acts of kindness? What’s wrong with making an “Irish exit”? And why is Mike secretly buying lottery tickets?
- RESOURCES:
- "Life and Work of the Psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik," by M. Marco (Neurosciences and History, 2018).
- "Why We Need Answers," by Maria Konnikova (The New Yorker, 2013).
- "Consider It Done! Plan Making Can Eliminate the Cognitive Effects of Unfulfilled Goals," by E. J. Masicampo and Roy Baumeister (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2011).
- The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples, by John Gottman (2011).
- "'Let Me Dream On!' Anticipatory Emotions and Preference for Timing in Lotteries," by Martin Kocher, Michal Krawczyk, and Frans van Winden (Tinbergen Institute Discussion Paper, 2009).
- "Explaining Away: A Model of Affective Adaptation," by Timothy Wilson and Daniel Gilbert (Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2008).
- "On Finished and Unfinished Tasks," by Bluma Zeigarnik (A Source Book of Gestalt Psychology, 1938).