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The Frustration of Losing Control and Being in Performative Mode
I hate feeling like I have no control and can't stop the train. It's so frustrating when I enter performative mode and crave nods of approval. I'm addicted to that validation, always seeking it. But sometimes I say things that can't be nodded to, and that's when I feel the pressure to perform. Despite the part of me that wants to stop, I keep going because of the nodding. However, deep down, I know I want to tell a genuine, vulnerable story instead of engaging in meaningless conversation.