Seeking Connection Beyond Physical Intimacy

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The conversation points out that the emphasis on multiple romantic partners in polyamory is perceived as weirdly conservative. It is noted that people engaging in polyamory are often seeking more than just sex; they are looking for emotional connection, understanding, shared interests, and facets that cannot be fulfilled by one person. The term 'emotional affair' is used to highlight the breach of trust and the desire for something beyond physical intimacy. The conversation suggests that the focus on sexual partners in non-monogamous relationships may be less imaginative, highlighting the various needs and desires for emotional and intellectual connections in addition to physical intimacy.

Around 40 percent of people who marry eventually get a divorce. Almost half of children are born to unmarried women. The number of close friends Americans report having has been on a steep decline since the 1990s, especially among men. Millions of us are growing old alone. We are living out a radical experiment in how we live, love, parent and age — and for many, it’s failing.

That’s partial context, I think, for the recent burst of interest and media coverage of polyamory. People want more love in their lives, and opening their relationships is one way to find it. A poll from last year found that one-third of Americans believe their ideal relationship would involve something other than strict monogamy.

But polyamory, for all its possibilities, isn’t right for many, and it doesn’t have that much to say about parenting or aging or friendship. As radical as it may sound, it’s not nearly radical enough. It’s not just romance that could be imagined more expansively. It’s everything.

“If this is such a significant relationship in my life, why is there no term for it?” wonders NPR’s Rhaina Cohen about a relationship that transcends the language we have available for friendship. Her forthcoming book, “The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center,” is a window into a world of relational possibilities most of us never even imagined existed. It’s a call to open up what we can conceive of as possible. Some of these models might appeal to you. Others might not. But they all pose a question worth asking: What kinds of relationships would you want in your life, if you felt you could ask for them?

Mentioned:

“Men’s Social Circles are Shrinking” by Daniel A. Cox

The Two-Parent Privilege by Melissa S. Kearney

How Should a Person Be? by Sheila Heti

Book Recommendations:

Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon

We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman

Thy Neighbor’s Wife by Gay Talese

Thoughts? Guest suggestions? Email us at ezrakleinshow@nytimes.com.

You can find transcripts (posted midday) and more episodes of “The Ezra Klein Show” at nytimes.com/ezra-klein-podcast, and you can find Ezra on X @ezraklein. Book recommendations from all our guests are listed at https://www.nytimes.com/article/ezra-klein-show-book-recs.

This episode of “The Ezra Klein Show” was produced by Annie Galvin. Fact-checking by Kate Sinclair and Mary Marge Locker. Our senior engineer is Jeff Geld with additional mixing from Efim Shapiro. Our senior editor is Claire Gordon. The show’s production team also includes Michelle Harris, Rollin Hu and Kristin Lin. Original music by Isaac Jones. Audience strategy by Kristina Samulewski and Shannon Busta. The executive producer of New York Times Opinion Audio is Annie-Rose Strasser. And special thanks to Sonia Herrero.