Navigating High Conflict Conversations: The Loop of Understanding & Avoiding Control

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In high conflict conversations, the loop of understanding is a powerful technique involving asking a deep question, repeating back the response in your own words, and confirming if you understood correctly. This technique proves active listening and fosters mutual understanding, enhancing communication significantly. Additionally, in tense dialogues, avoiding the urge to control the other person is crucial. Trying to control the conversation or the individual escalates tension and turns discussions toxic. Instead of seeking control, collaborating on controlling the environment, managing individual responses, and setting boundaries for the argument can help in diffusing tensions and fostering cooperation, creating a positive dialogue environment.

Have you ever known one of those people who seemed to be able to connect with anyone? The kind of person who had the ability to make others feel understood and smoothly navigate even the trickiest of conversations?

Charles Duhigg calls these folks "supercommunicators," and he's the author of a new book by the same name. Today on the show, Charles explains that what underlies supercommunicators' skill in connection is something called the matching principle, and he unpacks how it works and how you can put it to use in your own conversations. We discuss several techniques for how to figure out what kind of conversation you're having, so you can align your language and energy with the other person. And because emotional conversations can be particularly difficult, we dig into tactics for successfully navigating them, even when they contain a high degree of conflict. We also get into how to carry the skills of connection into your digital conversations.