Shame and ADHD: A Relationship Full of Hurt and Trauma

Dealing with emotions can feel like a full-time job for a person with ADHD — and it can be incredibly confusing for the neurotypical people in our lives! Especially our partners.

On today’s episode, Lindsay dives into the power that emotions can hold in an ADHD-impacted relationship with ADHD relationship expert Melissa Orlov. Melissa talks about the intensity of anger, shame and self-esteem and how the non-ADHD partner can help support specific emotional needs of their ADHD partner. She also offers a ton of suggestions on how couples can get started on a path to better understanding and communication. 

This is part three of Lindsay’s four-part conversation with Melissa. To start at the beginning, go back to episode 65 ADHD & Relationships with Melissa Orlov released on February 6th.

Join the conversation by reaching Lindsay via hello@refocusedpod.com or on social media at @lindsayguentzel now!

Highlights

• How the ADHD brain works with anger

• Depths of shame, grief, and ADHD  

• What is the very present moment focus?

• Defensiveness and cover-ups mechanisms

• Mastering the ADHD emotions 

• Emotional needs of the ADHD partner 

• Figuring out what is best for the ADHD partner’s emotions

About Melissa Orlov

Melissa Orlov is the founder of ADHDmarriage.com. She provides support groups, private couples counseling and consulting, professional training, and more. Recently, she launched couples' seminars via Zoom conducted twice a year. Resources about ADHD and ADHD-impacted relationships are also available on her blog. 

Melissa is also an award-winning author, having published books about ADHD-impacted relationships - The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) and The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD (2014). 

To connect with Melissa, check out the links below:

• Website | www.adhdmarriage.com/

• LinkedIn | www.linkedin.com/in/melissaorlov

• Facebook | www.facebook.com/ADHDMarriage/

• Twitter | @msorlov

Resources from Melissa Orlov:

• The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD | 

• The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps | 

Social Media Profiles 

• Instagram: @lindsayguentzel // @adhdonline // @refocusedpod

• Twitter: @lindsayguentzel //  @adhd_online // @refocusedpod

For more information on ADHD Online and ADHD assessments, medical management, and teletherapy, check out ADHDonline.com.

Check out Michelle Seitzer's What I’ve Learned as the Spouse of Someone with ADHD where the writer offers up eight things tips for people navigating the complexities of an ADHD partnership. 

Show Credits

• Lindsay Guentzel, show host and executive producer

• Phil Rodemann, coordinating producer

• Sarah Platanitis, consulting and pre-production management

• Sarah Gelbard, writer and researcher

• Al Chaplin, social media production

Our incredible artwork was created by Sissy Yee of Berlin Grey.

The theme music for Refocused was created by Louis Inglis, a songwriter, and composer in Perth, Australia who was diagnosed with ADHD in 2020 at the age of 39. To learn more about the work he is doing, check out his online studio here. You can also email him at louisinglis1@gmail.com.

Bear Beat Productions helped with the audio editing and engineering and all of our episodes with Melissa Orlov were shot live in-person at PS Creative Studios in Phoenix. 

Welcome to Refocused! 

Lindsay Guentzel was almost 35 years old when she was diagnosed with ADHD. It turned out to be the answer she didn't know she was looking for.

The journalist and mental health advocate has teamed up with ADHD Online to explore the often misunderstood world of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Discover tools and mindset shifts to help you start living your best life.

Those old, outdated assumptions about ADHD? Refocused with Lindsay Guentzel is changing that narrative. Those stigmas have held us back for long enough. It's time to refocus our energy and we hope you'll join us.